By: Lyla Stidham
With the holidays fast approaching, it can be hard to know how to guide kids through family event after the loss of a loved one. While the holidays can feel daunting, with love and care, children can not only make it through them, but experience them as a meaningful and cathartic time to remember their loved one and process their grief.
Why Holidays Are Hard for Grieving Kids
Holidays and anniversaries are typically times of togetherness, and they have the ability to bring up feelings of grief when a loved one can’t be with us. They are also usually happy events that carry memories of loved ones. Because of the expectation of happy holidays, there can be pressure to “celebrate,” “give thanks,” or “buck up” during family events, even after a deep loss. These expectations can reopen healing wounds and cause a child to feel their loss more deeply than they have been.
Additionally, holidays often involve traveling to see family or friends. This disruption in stability and routine can be overwhelming to kids already experiencing strong emotions. Breaks in school can also eliminate distractions and leave space for grief to bubble up. Considering the ups and downs of children’s grief when making holiday plans can help ease overwhelm and create a safer, more supportive space for bereaved kids. For a deeper look at how children experience grief at different ages - and how caregivers can support them year-round - you can read our comprehensive guide to supporting children through loss, as well as our post on grief from a developmental perspective.
How to Balance Celebration and Sadness
While these times can exacerbate grief, they are also celebrations. Community and gratitude encourage healthy healing, and the holidays can be part of that. Traditions may make kids feel more connected to their lost loved one, especially any rituals they shared. Making space for loss during the holidays creates room for children to celebrate their relationship with their loved one, even when they can’t be physically present.
The holidays can also be a time to teach age-appropriate self-care practices to kids. One way to introduce these skills is through tools like the Squeeze, Soak & Scribble care package. Self-care practices such as baths, grief books, and self-regulating sensory toys can give kids the space and energy they need to cope with big emotions, while also reminding them that they are worthy of care and attention. Many of these tools can be found in our complete collection of Kids Care Packages.
It is important to remember that grief and healing are not linear. Some days make the loss feel deeper and more painful than others, but neither experience is better or worse. A child becoming more upset during the holidays or showing renewed signs of grief is not a setback or regression - it is often a sign that they feel safe enough to express their feelings. Encouraging kids to participate in celebratory activities while also honoring their need for rest and space can help create an environment where they feel supported, understood, and loved.
Simple Rituals to Include Kids in Remembrance
Including loved ones in holidays can give their memory space and allow the day to feel more complete. For kids, simple rituals can help them feel connected to their lost loved one and keep their memory alive into adulthood. Here are some kid-inclusive ways to commemorate a loved one:
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Give them a gift – Let the child pick out a gift for their lost loved one, wrap it, and include it in the gift-giving tradition. The child could open it themselves or leave it as a memento. Giving a gift can feel cathartic and may remind them of what the person enjoyed and who they were.
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Make their favorite food – Inviting older children to help prepare a favorite or traditional dish can help them feel close to their loved one again. Using a cherished recipe can make this especially meaningful. Food can be a powerful tool for connection.
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Leave them a physical space – Leaving a space in holiday décor (such as a stocking or small shrine) or an empty chair at the table can be a meaningful way to honor the space that person continues to hold in the family. For kids, this provides a visual representation of someone still taking up space in their heart and mind.
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Tell stories about them – Whether at the dinner table or during a dedicated moment, sharing stories about a loved one helps kids and adults feel less alone. Knowing others miss the person too can validate a child’s feelings and strengthen their sense of community, while also keeping memories alive.
Even though the holidays can be overwhelming and painful, they can also be a beautiful way to honor the memory of a loved one and allow grieving children to learn about community, connection, and self-care. Grief is complicated and non-linear, but with love and support, children can heal from loss and grow into resilient adults. Wishing you gentleness, support, and moments of connection this holiday season.