The Weight of Wonder: Honoring the Emotional Labor of Motherhood This Mother's Day

By: Lyla Stidham

Mother's Day is full of flowers and brunch reservations and crayon cards with lopsided hearts. It is a day designed to celebrate, and there is real beauty in that, but for a lot of people, it arrives carrying something heavier than a bouquet. Complicated feelings that don't fit neatly onto a greeting card.

The Hidden Mental Load Mothers Carry

Motherhood carries an immense, often unseen amount of emotional labour. Remembering the pediatrician appointment, noticing when the household is tense, being the person who holds the emotional thread of the family together, quietly, constantly, and without being asked. This is the mental load of motherhood. 

The numbers back this up. Postpartum depression affects roughly 1 in 7 new mothers. Studies consistently show that mothers experience higher rates of anxiety, depression, and burnout than their non-parent counterparts. 

Though the struggles of motherhood are beginning to be more widely recognized, the cultural expectation of motherhood is still relentlessly cheerful. Mothers are supposed to be grateful, fulfilled, glowing. The gap between that expectation and the daily reality can leave mothers feeling not just exhausted, but ashamed of their exhaustion. Like something is wrong with them for struggling with something they chose, something they love, but the struggle is simply an honest response to an enormous amount of invisible work.

Mother's Day Can Be Hard - And That's Okay

Not everyone arrives at Mother's Day from the same place. Between losses, family dynamics, and intense hormonal changes, Mother’s Day might not be a peaceful day full of roses for everyone. 

For mothers who have lost a child, this day can be one of the hardest of the year. A care package won't fix anything, but it can say I see you, and I'm not pretending this day is simple for you.

For those carrying the specific, unspeakable grief of losing a child, or the grief of miscarriage and pregnancy loss, Mother's Day can feel isolating because their identity as a mother is often invisible to the world around them.

For people who have lost their own mothers, the holiday is a tender wound. The commercials feel pointed. The displays at every checkout line feel like a small cruelty.

For mothers estranged from their children, or from their own mothers, the day is layered with grief and relief and guilt and longing, often all at once.

For new mothers navigating the postpartum period, Mother's Day can arrive in the middle of one of the most disorienting seasons of their lives. They may be sleep-deprived and hormonally depleted and deeply, genuinely struggling even as people hand them flowers and tell them it's the best thing they've ever done.

The holiday is layered. That is not a failure of the holiday, or of the people who love it. It is just the truth. And acknowledging it is a kindness.

Signs a Mom in Your Life May Be Struggling

Mental health challenges rarely announce themselves directly. They show up in the margins, disguised as personality changes or just being tired. Some signs that a mother might be in need of some extra support include:

• She has withdrawn from people or activities she used to care about. 

• She seems irritable or emotionally flat in ways that feel out of character, not just a bad day, but a pattern. 

• She is chronically exhausted in a way that sleep doesn't seem to touch. 

• She dismisses her own needs reflexively, saying I'm fine, baby comes first, even when she clearly isn't. 

• She has stopped doing the small things that used to bring her joy. 

• She has become harder to reach, even when she's physically present.

None of these things, alone, is a diagnosis. But taken together, or noticed over time, they are worth gently naming. Not to fix anything. Just to reach out and offer genuine support. Our complete guide to mental health can help explain common conditions and warning signs.

How to Actually Support Mom's Mental Health (Beyond Brunch)

The most meaningful things you can give a mother who is struggling are not things. They are time, relief, and letting them know that they are supported and loved. Don't assume that what she needs is a spa day or a night out. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is ask a real question. What can I do to help you? Or, better yet, offer to do something for her - bring her a meal, watch the baby while she showers, etc.

If you're worried about her mental health specifically, name it with care. Something like I've noticed you seem really stretched thin lately, and I just want you to know I'm here opens a door without forcing anyone through it. Encouraging professional support is one of the most loving things you can do and it doesn't have to be heavy-handed. It can just be: I wonder if it might help to talk to someone. Would you be open to that?  Consider adding hot/warm lines to her contact list, for confidential, free help. 

Hotlines

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline is available around the clock for anyone experiencing emotional distress.

• (833)-852-6262 is a hotline for new and expecting mothers who just need a little help.

• 1-800-944-4773 is a hotline for pregnancy loss struggles.

• (866) 903-3787  is a warmline for parental loss and grief. 

A Note to Moms: You Are Allowed to Not Be Okay

If you are a mother reading this, and you are exhausted, or grieving, or quietly struggling, this is for you.

You are allowed to not be okay. You are allowed to find motherhood hard, even when you love it fiercely. You are allowed to need support, to ask for it, to seek it out. The pressure to perform gratitude and fulfillment while carrying an invisible and enormous amount of emotional weight is real, and it is unfair, and the fact that you feel it does not mean you are failing.

Getting help is not weakness. It is not a betrayal of your children or your role. It is, in fact, one of the most important things you can model for the people watching you most closely. It shows them that asking for support is what strong people do. You don't have to have it all figured out before you ask for support. You are allowed to say I'm not doing great, and I don't totally know why. That is enough. That is the beginning.

Start a Real Conversation This Mother's Day

If this post resonated with you, share it with a mom you love. And if you can, make this Mother's Day about more than brunch. Ask the real question. Offer real help. Let the moms in your life know that you see the whole of what they're carrying, even the heavy, not-so-glamourous parts.

That is the gift that actually matters.

About the author

Lyla Stidham is a young, queer, writer born in northern New Mexico. They will graduate in 2026 from New Mexico School for the Arts with a major in Creative Writing. Throughout their time here, they have grown to love poetry, screenwriting and many of their peers. Their life (and parents) have taken them across the world and back and they hope to continue pouring these experiences into their work while gathering new stories to tell.