By: Maiya Brock
Overview
Sending a sympathy card to a loved one during a time of grief and loss is a great way to show that you care. It's important to know what to write in your sympathy card, and what to avoid.
What is a Sympathy Card, and Why Are They Important?
A sympathy card, also called an empathy card or bereavement card, is a supportive message sent to a person experiencing grief. Sympathy cards are a way to show that you’re here for that person, and that they’re not alone.
While you can write a card for anyone going through a hard time, the key idea of a sympathy card is to support someone who has just lost a loved one.
It’s important to write a personalized and carefully thought-out message for your sympathy card, rather than using a prewritten one on a store-bought card. The goal is to show the person that you’ve thought about them and their situation, and to offer condolences and sympathy. It means a lot more to receive a thoughtful, handwritten card than one with a prewritten message.
What To Write On a Sympathy Card
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Share your condolences. It’s always good to start by expressing sorrow for what the person is going through. Keep it short and sweet—a simple "I'm so sorry" will work better than an over-the-top condolence message.
Examples:
“I’m so sorry for your loss.”
“I hate that this has happened to you.”
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Acknowledge their grief or hardship. While it can be difficult to speak to someone’s loss, it’s important to show that you know what they’re going through. You don’t have to dive into the details—just write a sentence or two acknowledging what that person’s dealing with.
Examples:
“Losing a loved one is incredibly difficult.”
“You’re going through so much right now.”
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Offer respectful positivity. This could take the form of sharing a beloved memory about the person who has passed, or writing a sentence celebrating their life. You might express confidence that the person receiving the card will get through the hardship, or remind them that they are strong and brave. Be sure to not belittle what the person is going through with too much optimism.
Examples:
“Your dad lived a beautiful life, and was such an incredible human being.”
“You’re so strong. I know you’ll get through this.”
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Show your support. Tell the person that you care about them, and that you’re here for them. You can provide an opportunity for extra care or an open, safe space to talk. You want the person to know that you’re here to support them outside of the card.
Examples:
“I love you so much, and I’m always here for you.”
“I'm always available to talk or for anything you need.”
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Optional: include a gift. Go above and beyond to show your person that you care. Send your sympathy card with one of our grief care packages, or build your own box full of goodies that you know will bring a smile to their face.
What NOT To Write On Your Card
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Stay away from offering advice. When someone's grieving, it's better to show you're there for them rather than bombard them with advice. Even if you've gone through something similar, what worked for you may not work for the person receiving the card. You might accidentally end up conveying that you know what's best for that person, rather than showing that you're here to support them.
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Don't try to lessen their pain. The goal of a sympathy card is to validate someone's grief. By trying to "make it better," you risk disrespecting that person and the pain they're experiencing. Instead of attempting to fix it, let them know that they're seen and loved.
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Avoid unhelpful statements. Vague or unhelpful statements will send the wrong message. Rather than "if you ever need anything," offer direct support: "when you need to talk, I'm here to listen." When in doubt, replace "if"s with "when"s.
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Be cautious with the phrase "I understand." While empathizing with what someone's going through is important, you want to be careful when using the words "I understand." Even if you went through a similar loss, you can never fully understand exactly what the person is going through, and claiming to know might have a more negative than positive effect.
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And finally, don't focus on your own experiences. By filling your card with personal memories of going through loss, you draw the focus to yourself. It's okay to include a fond memory you might have of the person who has passed, but be sure not to base most of your card on your own experience with loss.
If you know someone who could use some support, pick out a card from Good Grief and personalize it using the tips above.
About the author
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Maiya Brock is an avid reader and knitter who loves curling up with a good book and a steaming mug of tea. Maiya writes in all genres, with a focus on screenwriting and poetry. |
